"Shared joy is double joy and shared sorrow is half sorrow."
—Swedish proverb
On Wednesday, September 28, Melissa Coles, a Master of Divinity candidate at Harvard Divinity School and resident at the Center for the Study of World Religions, presented "Reflections from Clinical Pastoral Education at Massachusetts General Hospital" during the CSWR residents' weekly café.
Respective of the sensitive topic and in order to make room for personal reflection and processing, Melissa's presentation was guided by times of pause and reflection. Her PowerPoint was a cycle of quote, image, quote, image…The quotes, which introduced the next topic, were read silently by the audience and accompanied by periods of silent contemplation. Then, Melissa changed the slide to an image and continued the verbal component of her presentation, where she shared lessons, insights, questions, and stories from her time at MGH this summer. This café report will be similarly structured, utilizing the quotes from the presentation.
The presentation began with an overview of MGH, its chaplaincy department, and the work of CPE students/chaplains at this major hospital. Melissa also explained that any stories shared that evening would include changed details so as to protect confidentiality.
"Act as if everything depended upon you; trust as if everything depended on God."
—St. Ignatius of Loyola
An integral part of CPE for Melissa was trust--trusting in herself, God, and the entire team/ community of MGH. A chaplain is only one of the many layers of community in a hospital that supports the patients, families, friends, medical staff, fellow chaplains, social workers, interpreters, and everyone else in the hospital. Depending on the situation, a chaplain may be called upon to serve any number of roles, some of which include: mediator, listener, reflector, guide, witness.
"If faith does not think, it is nothing."
—St. Augustine
And there is a lot of time to think in the hospital, which can result in spiritual and emotional crisis as well as growth. Melissa shared stories here about specific examples of both. Throughout, grounding back to feelings was vital, both for the CPE students and for their patients.
"When in doubt tell the truth."
—Mark Twain
Melissa shared that it was a growth point for her to be completing honest with people, especially when they had recently had a family member die or had received bad news. Naming something makes it more tangible, though, and thus easier to handle. A feeling or emotion in a room can do much more damage when it is unnamed.
"A chaplain’s biggest gift is to be present and just listen."
—Diane Johnson
It is epochal just to be. To be real, be present, be direct, be validating. Be whatever is needed in that moment. But just to be.
"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day."
—Sally Koch
Here, Melissa shared the importance of just showing up. Matthew 25:36 "I was sick and you visited me…" seems so simple, but it is often vital in hospitals. Just showing up, crossing that threshold, and being there is the necessary first step. Then, we are called to meet others and ourselves exactly where we are, being non-judgmental and trusting that whatever happens is meant to be. Melissa shared stories whereby she felt underwhelmed, under-prepared, and uncertain, especially when called from room to room where people had died or were dying. In these times, taking a deep breath, being as prepared as possible, and just knocking on that door are what we are called to do.
"Keep me away from the wisdom that does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children."
—Kahlil Gibran
Other lessons from the summer included the power of deep listening, being aware of and wisely using the power of presence, and paying attention to the energy and flow of the room.
"You never know when you are making a memory."
—Rickie Lee Jones
We can never know how someone else is perceiving us or a situation. So, we should always be as open as possible to others and their perspectives. And, we should always be there, giving our all.
"While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die."
—Leonardo da Vinci
A powerful and important topic from MGH this summer is: a good death. Melissa invited the CSWR community to join her in contemplating what this means for each of us, to not be afraid of something that will occur to all of us but to face our future death with honesty and contemplation.
"God comes through the human- and we don’t like that. We like God to come as our idea of God."
—Sr. Ruth Burrows
Finally, Melissa discussed personal challenges from the summer, discussing each challenge and how it helped her to grow and come to new revelations about herself and her ministry. Overall, her time at MGH was a privilege, blessing, challenge, honor, and time of trust and learning.
The conversation then widened to include the CSWR community. For the remaining café time, the community shared reflections, insights, and stories with one another. These conversations are still continuing at the CSWR today. The presentation opened up space for the community to discuss topics of loss, joy, mortality, calling, and integrative spirituality. Many connected with and are living the quote:
"Shared joy is double joy and shared sorrow is half sorrow."
—Swedish proverb
—by Melissa Coles, MDiv Candidate 2017